Diving Definitions

You've heard all these technical (and non-technical) terms, but what do they mean? Read on...


  • A-clamp fitting: Just one clamp fitting, not two.


  • Ancillary equipment: Polite way of saying that all of Anne's kit is silly.


  • ANDI: My name spelt wrong.


  • Archimedes' Principal: The head-teacher of the school that Archimedes went to.


  • Ascent: 1/100th of a US Dollar.


  • Backup: What you do when you drive in to a wall.


  • BSAC: A bag for the collection of bees.


  • Buddy breathing: Well, if (s)he's not you'd better start CPR or something.


  • Buddy check: A slip of paper that allows money to be transferred from your buddy's account to yours.


  • Buddy diving: You say this when your buddy is diving but you're not.


  • Buddy line: This means your buddy's not telling the truth.


  • CMAS: How much the sea weighs.


  • Crowbar: Used instead of a scarecrow when diving in Leybourne Lake.


  • Dalton's Law: This was added after Thomas Jefferson put his stuff in the U.S. constitution.


  • Deco sausage: A quick snack before reaching the surface.


  • Decompression gas: Unavoidable if you had a curry the night before.


  • Decompression tables: Something off which to eat a deco sausage.


  • DIN fitting: A novice attaching a regulator.


  • Direct feed: You have to do this for babies 'cos they can't feed themselves.


  • Diver Propulsion Vehicle: Andy Dawkin's Transit van.


  • Drysuit: What you were wearing before you fell in the pool.


  • DUI: One of the three ducks in that Disney cartoon (Hewy, Dewy, and Lewy).


  • Dust cap: A hat that's been in the cupboard for far too long.


  • EAN32: The 32nd Ian to join the club.


  • Ear squeeze: What the teacher would to do to you if you were naughty.


  • Full face mask: Usually worn by ugly people.


  • Gas management: The ability to hold it in, because if you don't you won't be very popular with the others in the car.


  • IANTD: Ian was going to name this association after his first name, but got a bit carried away on the keyboard.


  • Incident pit: Where the BSAC throws all the accident reports.


  • Jon line: A line that leads you to the toilet.


  • Knife: A function-less article, carried by divers to look cool.


  • Latex neck seal: A rubber model of a seal on a necklace.


  • Lightstick: A lightweight version of a crowbar.


  • Line reel: As opposed to a fantasy line.


  • Manifold: What your wife does to you if you come back late from a dive trip.


  • Net entanglement: Addiction to surfing the Internet's diving pages.


  • Nitrox diving: This is night diving in an area with a rocky bottom composition.


  • O-ring: The number of times you've been telephoned, in this case: zero.


  • Ocean: Abbreviation of: "Oh, Shaun!"


  • Octopus: A clean James Bond movie.


  • Out-of-air emergency: When you have a problem anywhere that's not surrounded by air.


  • PADI instructor: Someone who talks a lot about diving, but never actually does any.


  • PADI: Please! ...this magazine is about DIVING.


  • Painter: The bloke who painted the boat.


  • Portable hyperbaric chamber: Severe fun!


  • Rebreather: Someone who had stopped breathing, but is ok now.


  • Redundancy: PADI instructors: when people hear about the BSAC.


  • Rule of thirds: States: if you come in third you only get a bronze medal.


  • SCUBA: Shark Comes Up and Bites your Arse.


  • Snoopy loops: A childrens' cereal.


  • Snorkel: What?


  • Stage cylinders: The types used in movies and plays: they're made of cardboard.


  • Standard diving dress: What female divers usually wear.


  • Steel cylinder: One you didn't pay for.


  • Surface Marker Buoy: This is a kid at the top end of a shot line who tells you that you're at the surface.


  • Technical diver: One who spends all his time telling recreational divers that they're doing it wrong.


  • Tissue compartment: This can usually be found in the head of a boat/ship.


  • Travel mix: Gases that were blended in the car en route to the dive site.


  • Wetsuit: What you're wearing after you fall / get pushed into the pool.


  • Wings: You get these after you get your pilot's licence.


  • Wreck: An old ex-diver who has turned to alcohol, hasn't shaved in months and now has no life.


    If you are in any doubt as to the real meanings of any of these terms, please feel free to e-mail me [editor@schooldiver.freeserve.co.uk] or ask any diving instructor.

    The information contained within this page is intended for amusement only.
    Written by Andrew Pugsley.
    E-mail: diver@ukgateway.net
    Featured in the June 1997 issue of School Diver magazine.
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